Child growth and development

Q: My daughter is having a problem with her 2-year-old daughter: The child is anxious when separated from Mom. This behavior started in the past few months, when the family moved. Emma will not let her mom get out of sight.

A: Many young children cry when parents leave them in a new place with a new person. It’s simply because the person and place are unfamiliar. Plus, kids like their mom and dad best. Their life is easiest when Mom or Dad is present. With them, they don’t have to work very hard to make their needs known. Parents read their children’s cues easily and quickly.

With a new caregiver in a new place, many young children feel worried and fearful. But a child who is well-attached to a parent and who feels safe and secure has developed basic trust in people so therefore can, in time, attach to other caregivers.

When your daughter leaves Emma with her caregiver, it’s important that she exude confidence in the person and situation. She can say something like, “This is Amy; she’ll be taking care of you while I go to the gym. I’ll be back in an hour.” The mom can show her around the room, even play for five minutes or so, but then it’s time to pass the child off to the caregiver and do so confidently. If the child sees reassurance in Mom’s eyes, she’ll adjust more readily. If she sees anxiety, her adjustment will be more difficult.

Then, after giving a kiss and hug, Mom needs to hand the child off to the caregiver and walk confidently out the door. She need not look back, linger or try to talk the child out of crying. Instead, she needs to leave the child’s care to the caregiver.

If Mom is worried, she can call in 15 minutes to see how the child is doing. Most likely, she’ll be playing happily.

Since this child seems fearful in new situations with new people, it’s probably best not to leave her in several situations with several different caregivers. It’s important for the parents to pick one person and one place for Emma to stay while Mom is away from her. While it might take up to three weeks for her to offer a happy face as her mom walks out the door, with this approach, the amount of time she actually cries will quickly diminish.

Q: I have a 22-month-old child with special medical needs (otherwise developing fine). I am entertaining the thought of preschool three days a week, three hours each day. I’d like to know, however, if preschool is really necessary.

A: Children, once preschool-age, need appropriate activities to advance and enhance their development. They need a similar-age child to play with. They also need to practice taking turns and sharing toys.

They need opportunities to develop and refine their large and small motor skills, to listen to stories and music, and to use a variety of materials for creative expression. They also need experience managing their emotions.

Children can have these experiences at home with siblings, cousins or friends. They can learn some of them at the library during story time, at Sunday school or at a childcare center. They can have these experiences in a preschool setting.

Preschool for your child would be only nine hours a week. While it’s an important nine hours, what you do with your child during his other waking hours is extremely important, too.

Is preschool necessary? Only you, the parent, can decide.

Posted on April 18th, 2008 by A child
Filed under: Child growth and development